Brotherly Bonded
by setthingsinmotion
Summary: Set in an AU-S4: If Matt wanted to get answers, Stefan would give them. He owed Matt that much.


**Brotherly Bonded**

* * *

As he had picked up his phone and recognized the number, he knew exactly what was about to come.

Although he would meet Matt later this evening at Tyler's, Matt seemed to have a desperate need to talk to him.

"_Do you mind, we'd go for a walk. I…I've wanted to talk to you for quite a while now"_

Of course Stefan didn't mind. I fact Stefan had also wanted to talk to him. Thanking him and telling him how lucky he was to know that Elena and Matt have had a talk, that they were friends again. Seeing Elena suffering when Matt mostly ignored her was painful for him. This was just another quick reminder of Matt's qualities.

And now, he was there and the two boys were walking through the mansion's garden.

Although Matt had asked for this conversation, he hardly said a word. He could feel the familiar headache sneaking back in. He'd always thought low of this _Twilight _or _vampire-hype _in general. If only, he'd known, he'd be in the midst of such a drama but only ten times worse than Stephenie Meyer had dreamed of…A light chuckle escaped from his lips as he was wondering, what Meyer would say if she knew about Mystic Falls.

"Pardon me" He stood there eye to eye facing a very confused Stefan. "Oh, I´m sorry man. I just thought that Forks doesn't hold a candle to our nice little hometown, sorry, if that was improper."

Stefan's adoration towards Matt only grew. Of course, the comparison did limp. But he counted it as a good sign Matt being able to drop _vampire jokes._

"Ah, you know…I tell you something: "I can tell you: There are a lot of vampires who want to be like Edward but certainly as many want to kick his ass."

The ice was finally broken. And both of them were thankful for that. Firstly Matt had been scared and unsure if talking to Stefan was a good idea. He'd always hoped Elena would come back to her senses, especially when Stefan left with Klaus last summer. Not because he wanted her back – that was an old hat - but because he'd hoped for her to live a normal life. With his head down casted he tried to bring the zillions of questions, celebrating a party in his head, into an order.

Sometimes when he saw Stefan, he had the ripper in front of his inner eye and he couldn't do anything about it even if he did anything in his willpower to erase this image of which he knew didn't do Stefan justice. This was meant to be about getting answers, about understanding each other.

Matt had done his very best to fully understand why for Elena, Klaus wasn't her first priority. This was all about unconditional love and about saving it.

They smiled at each other.

"What's on your mind Matt? You can talk freely." Stefan eyed Matt. It was no surprise for him that he had questions. There hardly existed a way to catch the entire meaning especially when your part is a non-voluntary one but you are being forced into it. When you had a choice but knew there was no way of choosing differently.

Matt needed time. Maybe this walk would give him all the answers he needed but in all probability it would just turn out to be a little piece of the puzzle.

Stefan was sure it would help him, he would help him. He owed Matt that much.

"She's handling well, isn't she?" Matt suddenly said

"Yes, she really is." And he was so glad.

"She always does. She's stubborn" Matt laughed.

To Stefan, Matt wasn't the 18-year old quarterback anymore, but just a cute little kid trying to protect its friends.

"I never fully understood it, you know? How she fell in love with you, why she still wanted to be with you after she had found out who you are" - _what you are._

Stefan remembered the first time he had met Matt after his return. The anger, the hate, the disgust and when he – the ripper – was excited by the smell of his fear and when he hadn't cared about his ex-girlfriend being alarmingly close to her ex-boyfriend.

"I hated you."

_Hated not hate. _

"From day one." His slight chuckle almost forced Stefan to look directly at him for the first time during this conversation.

"Do you love her?" If Matt had learned one lesson, it was to expect the unexpected.

Stefan's answer came without hesitation: "More than words can describe".

The atmosphere had changed. Matt was glaring at him with his eyes being furrowed. "Is that so, and why did you let her die then?"

Stefan felt his heart racing, his undead heart picked up a stressing pace or at least he thought so. His memories what it felt like to be human emotionally and physically were two different things. But sometimes when things like this happen: An awkward and way too private conversation with your girlfriend's ex, you feel alive all of a sudden. Somehow this used to be normal. And normalcy has always been one thing he wanted to hold.

Although it appeared to him that his life, which had been a total disaster until he met Elena had become even messier. But for a worthy reason: Love. And to Stefan, Elena was this love. There does no better reason exist than love. Love is in equal measure the question, answer and reason. But Matt had totally hit his most vulnerable point: Stefan who always was brooding and felt like life weighed heavily on him, was torn apart –like so often – refusing himself to be happy, even though everyone else was fine.

"You can´t be able to relate to how much I hate myself for that."

"I assure you I can" Matt didn't even try to hide his dislike. "If I hadn't driven off the bridge you wouldn't have had to make a choice."

Stefan felt punched and if he was still human he knew, Matt wouldn't only come to terms with hitting him verbally but physically. By the shining in Matt's eyes, Stefan was sure that his offender was very aware that being hit would be less painful for him.

_Bruises go away but a scarred soul doesn't heal. Those scares, you keep forever._

Matt relished the coiling up Stefan next to him, the silent pain, evident in his eyes. But of course that didn't answer Matt's question properly. He didn't know what he had expected. Maybe that Stefan would yell at him, maybe that he'd attack, showing off his true nature. But none of this happened. He acted all "Stefan-like" and that was what made Matt furious. Of course he was glad that Elena was alive or undead or whatever, but he needed someone to blame. And although he knew that the devil in this story was Klaus, he was sure Elena had never considered becoming a vampire. "You still need to answer." The statement came harsher than it was supposed to. Originally Matt had planned to talk to Stefan amicable but somehow they had ended up fighting. _Or attacking and bearing silently._

But what could Stefan possibly reply that would actually cause a change in happenings? He understood Matt's anger completely and knew he was right, when he accused him offending Elena's life, even if she herself had a different point of view.

They walked side by side but no-one had the heart to continue. As they kept on walking, Stefan finally broke the silence.

"Maybe we should take a seat" He pointed at the only bench far and wide. If Matt wanted to get answers, Stefan would give them. It was easy to imagine this conversation would lead to a particular direction. For that it might be better to sit. He could feel Matt's suspicious look on his back as he walked towards the bench. Said followed him hesitantly, feeling his body relaxing and let a breath escape, he didn´t know he had held.

"You should be happy. Now that she's a vampire, you two will be together forever".

Technically; Matt was right. Being with Elena after everything they had been through was almost fairy. In spite of all it hadn't been his smartest decision and it was only logical that outsiders like Matt saw him not as a prince charming but as the devil in disguise.

But how do you explain something as mighty and powerful as love? Sometimes Stefan found himself wondering when he'd finally wake up, realizing that all of this had been nothing but a dream.

It was all true: Elena loved him, despite what he was or who he had been, despite Klaus, despite _Damon._

To him, his brother was the only variable he couldn´t find out. But a little devil called jealousy visited him from time to time, telling him that there was something that was needed to be figured out.

Something he preferably didn't wanted to know about. Calming himself down by telling it couldn´t been his "worst-case-scenario" turned out to be quite a practical technique.

"Was it Love at first sight?"

"No, it wasn't"

He was telling the truth. Although he was a vampire or precisely _because _he was one, he knew that love at first sight didn't happen. You can be physically attracted to someone, yes but love? You fall in love with the person itself not its body alone.

Matt seemed to swallow his answer, he continued questioning: "But you saved her form drowning." With the ambiguousness being kindly ignored by both, Stefan almost jumped out of his skin nonetheless.

"Yes" his eyes scanning every movement, recognizing that his heartbeat had sped up, but smart enough not to mention it. "I saved her".

"And as you _saw her?"_

It was beyond possible that Matt would take this the wrong way, but…

"I was frozen because I thought she was Katherine." With his eyes being closed, he waited for Matt to explode, but said didn´t even flinch. There was nothing than a tiny gasp lingering in the air. Stefan felt the bench crackling as Matt turned.

"So you just…stalked her because you _hoped_ she was _Katherine? _That was unbelievable and undeniably not what he had expected to hear and God knew he had learned to expect a lot.

But that's the problem with emotions: They´re hardly explainable to anyone who isn't personally involved. Keeping it in perspective, Matt was right to question Stefan's love

"No…Yes" he laughed slightly, trying to hide his insecurity. "I honestly have no idea how to make it understandable". After clearing his throat he kept talking. "I was shocked the moment I saw her…yes the resemblance was what let me pause for a minute." He eyed Matt from the side, saw how his eyebrows furrowed and his forehead was covered with wrinkles. "I didn't understand why she'd let this people die when she was able to rescue herself and them in no time. When Elena was in hospital I wanted to look after her and make sure to get what's going on."

Just the first day after the accident he had been there, making sure she was fine, to keep an eye on her. He had seen her sadness and her tears. He managed to sit beside her bed at night when she had nightmares, when she hated herself for surviving but tried to be strong for Jeremy. During this time he never revealed himself but fell in love with her all the more. Even if he could not make heads or tails of it why she looked like Katherine. He had butterflies in his stomach every moment he saw or only thought of her. How she treated her family and friends or how selfless she is even if it's someone she knew only barely, touched him and made her being loved by him for all her character-traits that even many humans seem to have unlearned.

Shortly before the next school year started, he knew he wouldn´t be able to leave her.

He never imagined her to fall in love with him. It was fate. And in some way talking about this love relaxed him. In a stress-free-position, his hands casually interlaced behind his head, it was much easier to speak his mind.

But Matt wasn't. He suddenly interlaced his arms in front of his chest, looking angrily: "But you weren't thinking, were you?" He snapped. "And don't you tell me you hadn't considered this whole vampire-thing." Comparable to a gladiator, Matt felt a rush of victory rushing through his body, convinced that Stefan would twist and turn like a snake. He was mistaken by a small smile and glim in Stefan's eyes, Matt wasn´t able to explain.

"When I'm with her I completely forget what I am." Sensing that Matt wanted to make a comment, he paused. Maybe he needed a few more minutes. "With her I can be me, she makes me feel alive".

Matt cleared his throat a few times. Kept being silent for quite a time had dried his mouth. "What I don't get". Giving up his dismissive position he shifted his body towards Stefan.

"Hadn't you thought about what would happen if she found out?'

To his own displeasure, he hadn't. The more time he spent with her the less he could imagine her to find out about him. Knowing it would be indispensable, he just had tried to white it out. Unsuccessfully.

"Why didn't you simply compel her?" Matt slid closer to Stefan.

"Because I wanted it to be real. She´s the only woman I have ever loved." Stefan laughed loudly as Matt made a face.

"You really do mean that?" Although it was old-fashioned, Matt was impressed, secretly hoping, he would find a girl he could say exactly this about. He tousled his hand through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts and all the new information.

To Matt there was only one question left to be answered: "And Katherine?"

Ironically to Stefan, talking about the vampire who ruined his life was the easiest thing. "I never loved her. My sin was to mistake sexual attraction for love."

Matt blinked few times to clear his view. But there was nothing needed to be cleared. This, so Stefan knew, was an experience everyone has to make on their own.

"And do you think…um…" There was no visionary needed to know how difficult it was for Matt to speak what he thought. Maybe he just thought too much.

"Come on" Stefan said, nudging Matt jokingly.

To humans it would have been way easier to be dulled but to Stefan it was as loud as an air-hammer, hitting him right where it hurt the most.

"Do you think Damon made the same mistake with Elena?"

Stefan, whose facial expressions got out of control turned into a mask.

"I'm sorry, that was an awful question, forget about it." Matt waved his statement aside, trying zo perform damage control.

With a hoarse voice as if he'd held his breath forever, Stefan replied lowly: "No, it's okay. Don't worry." He didn't need to say it aloud how he truly felt.

"You know…I wanted Katherine. I craved for her." Matt nodded although Stefan didn't pay attention "…and she wanted me and although I knew that he wanted her even more or at least with nobler aims, I didn't care." He paused. "After the transition; I knew that Katherine had played us of against each other. She had fun, toying with us."

"But she was being bitchy that you hadn''t wanted her with the same intensity as Damon did." Matt concluded, proudly recognizing Stefan's surprised look in his eyes. "Elena told me".

"I never wanted to understand how much it had hurt him." Shaking his head in disbelief, he didn't know what to think about himself as a person. He had made so many mistakes: Some horribly and some less horribly. Not only including all the deaths caused by him, but the hurt and anger he'd put Elena through.

"You know what?" Matt looked up to the stars, suddenly smiling, anger, hate and disappointment being erased. "A love like yours is simply meant to happen. And no matter how hard it might get there is no escape."

"Wow. That´s what my best friend Lexi used to say."

"Well then, I can be quite proud of myself, can't I?

Wisdom has little to do with age; it develops through experience and experience only.

"If I were you, I wouldn´t worry too much. The thing Damon and Elena going on was nothing important." While talking he recognized Stefan's eyes open wildly as much as his breath had sped up to an worrying level.

The little devil sitting on his shoulder greeted Stefan with a wicked smile, whispering nightmares in his ear.

"Oh, um…I mean…I _know_ it was nothing more than an emotionally disarray. That can happen…uh" Matt scratched his neck in awkwardness.

Stefan nodded slowly. And while Matt stood up to stretch his legs in a clumsy effort to paper over his shame, Stefan wondered – as so often – why life always has the peculiarity to kick your ass when everything seems to be fine.

* * *

**Fin**


End file.
